Borneo Bloodsuckers: Bloody Good Fun (it wasn't) with a leech, Kinabalu Park, Sabah

On a wet jungle walk, I saw A Thing clinging to my trousers and asked my guide what it was. A rhetorical question. I knew. ‘A leech!’ The guide seemed quite pleased, removed the offender from my person and stuffed it into his sock. Laughing at my dropped jaw, he explained a leech was attached to his left foot a few days previously, so it was ‘good for balance’ to stick one on the right side too. Unconvinced, I tried to ignore something itchy inside my boot. Back at my accommodation, I discovered two leeches unabashedly slurping away on my legs. The cheekiest had slithered right inside my boot and latched onto my heel through my sock. I’d read tales of soldiers burning leeches off their privates (pardon the pun) with cigarettes, but I had no intention of adding injury to insult. I tried telling the critters to push off (much more rudely, though). This had no effect. They did drop off after I fired insect repellent at them, but my room looked like a murder site. Thank God it wasn’t carpeted. It was grimly fascinating to see how much blood comes out of a pinprick-sized (and incidentally, painless) wound when a leech injects an anti-coagulant. I went through multiple antiseptic wipes, tissues, cotton-wool pads, and plasters, but the bleeding refused to stop for a couple of hours. I had newfound respect for my body’s blood-clotting ability. It seemed I’d leaked an awful lot (I hadn’t, but the white floor tiles gave a bad impression). Provided you clean the wounds properly, leeches aren’t as dangerous as certain other bloodsuckers (looking at you, mosquitos). However, they are very, very messy eaters. If you visit their territory, get some leech socks first. You can always reuse them as Christmas stockings (see What I Wore On My Holidays).

above and below: The leech on my tour guide's leg.

 above: Lenny the leech, full of my blood. I hope I tasted good. I think you can see a little smear of my blood on the tiles; sort of a leech skid mark. Lovely.

above: On the jungle walk where Lenny decided he liked the look of me. Or, maybe the smell. I don't know. (Actually and incidentally, that's another terrible outfit, isn't it?)

above: Another 'friend': A rather large beetle which sat on the stairway outside my accommodation all night and was still there in the morning. The only movement was the occasional leg wiggle. Glad he didn't decide to pop into my room and get into bed with me. Imagine that tickling your feet under the bedclothes...